Tribute to my mum on this Mother's Day

NEVER FORGOTTEN, ETERNALLY GRATEFUL: On this Mother’s Day, let me pay tribute to this woman I have the privilege of calling Mum (1925-2015). Though forever missed, we will never forget what she had gone through in her mortal life - a lot of suffering and trials; living in poverty; but always standing by her husband our dad throughout who later went missing in May 2000, at the same time looking after all of us. This video resonates with us how bad life was in the 1960s and 1970s, but never forgetting for a single moment one of the most important values of Chinese culture - our filial piety towards our parents.

In fact, mum had a miscarriage during her first pregnancy when she was 18. When her first child, a girl, was finally born, mum was a weak and frail 19-year-old girl herself. It was also in this year (1943) that our paternal grandmum in her 40s died. Believing that the newly born girl had brought bad luck to the family, maternal grandmum then decided to let the poor baby girl die in the cold outside.

She came over to Malaya with Dad in March 1947. They first settled down in Sepang, Selangor and toiled hard as pig-farmers there. A son was shortly born but died a few days later, again. Still childless at this time, they decided to adopt a girl in 1948 in the belief that later pregnancies would be smooth going. In November 1949, their own child, a girl, was born and this was followed by a son in October 1951. Much to their dismay, one more miscarriage happened in 1952. In June 1955, they were blessed with another daughter. But life then was still bad, and they lived in poverty and under the constant fear of the communist insurgents which Malaya was fighting at this time. As the pig farm was located far away from home, their livelihood was severely affected by the many curfews imposed by the security forces. When another girl was born in 1957, like so many other Sepang residents then, they had no choice but to give the child up for adoption by the Christian missionaries in now known as the Convent High School, Seremban. Years later, it was discovered from the records kept at the Seremban Convent High School and confirmed by the National Registration Department that the baby girl named Mary Agatha Tan Ah Siew had died 3 months after her admission from pneumonia.

Who is Roger Tan, the lawyer in Pastor Koh and Amri’s task force?

Senior lawyer Datuk Roger Tan Kor Mee  is one of

the two latest additions to the  special task force probing

the high-profile enforced disappearances of Pastor

Raymond Koh and social activist Amri Che Mat.

— Picture via RTNP.my

Malay Mail

by Ida Lim

KUALA LUMPUR, July 12 — Senior lawyer Datuk Roger Tan Kor Mee is one of the two latest additions to the special task force probing the high-profile enforced disappearances of Pastor Raymond Koh and social activist Amri Che Mat, but who is he? 

Tan is currently serving as a Bar Council member, but his peers and his long list of achievements can easily attest that his appointment is not mere tokenism for better diversity in the government’s seven-man task force. 

Here’s a quick look by Malay Mail at Tan’s background, based on his law firm’s website and publicly available information: 

Tan, who was born in Yong Peng, Johor and has a law firm in his home state, graduated with a law degree from Queen Mary College, University of London and also holds a master of law from the National University of Singapore.

Trained as a barrister of the UK’s Gray’s Inn, Tan was admitted as a lawyer in peninsular Malaysia in October 1989 and is also qualified to practise as a lawyer in Singapore. 

Throughout his 30-year career, Tan had actively contributed to the legal community, including as Bar Council member for the years 2004 to 2009, during which he was also the webmaster for the Malaysian Bar’s website which he went on to redesign. 

Interview: Of values and water

Roger Tan

The Sunday Star
by Christina Chin
Photo by Abdul Rahman Embong

AFTER eight years of helping to implement and enforce the country’s water supply and sewerage services laws, Datuk Roger Tan served his last day as commissioner of the Water Services Commission (SPAN) on May 31. Tan, a lawyer by trade, was instrumental in putting in place a disciplinary mechanism based on values he lives by – accountability, transparency and integrity.

Former fellow commissioner Datuk Zulkifly Rafique has this to say of Tan’s tenure: “He has discharged his responsibility admirably and is a pillar of strength for the staff and fellow commissioners who looked to him for support and guidance at a very challenging time. A job well done.”

Tan, from Yong Peng, Johor, graduated from the school of hard knocks and he never forgot his roots. 

Describing himself as a “simple man”, he’s pleased that his wife and children are equally grounded. Opening up about his family, Tan says those who rose from poverty, surviving only because of their parents’ resilience and sacrificial love, have no reason to lead an ostentatious life.

An illiterate labourer, his father, Sue Yong, toiled to put food – often porridge with soy sauce or a few slices of preserved bean curd – on the table.

The desire to honour his parents, family and God, is what drives Tan to excel.

An avid photographer, he shares how an image of the All Souls Church in Langham Place, London – with a cross of clouds forming just above the place he used to worship at as a student, is his favourite work. The best photographs are often accidental masterpieces, he muses.

131 receive awards from King

Proud moment: The King

bestowing the Darjah 

Panglima Jasa Negara upon

Tan at the investiture ceremony

in Istana Negara. — Bernama

KUALA LUMPUR: The Yang di-Pertuan Agong, Tuanku Abdul Halim Mu’adzam Shah, presented awards and medals to 131 people in conjunction with his birthday on June 6.

Raja Permaisuri Agong Tuanku Hajah Haminah was also present at the investiture held at Istana Negara here.

Heading the list of recipients yesterday was Education Services Commission chairman Tan Sri Dr Haili Dolhan, who received the Darjah Panglima Setia Mahkota (PSM) award, which carries the title “Tan Sri”.

Among those who received the Panglima Jasa Negara award, which carries the title “Datuk” (PJN) were Roger Tan & Nurul senior partner Datuk Roger Tan Kor Mee.

Tan holds a Bachelor of Laws (Honours) degree from Queen Mary College, University of London, and Master of Laws from the National University of Singapore.

He is currently a commissioner of the National Water Services Commission (SPAN) and president of the Strata Management Tribunal. — Bernama

Up close and personal with Roger Tan

The Star
by Wong Wei-Shen 

Lawyer and SPAN commissioner gets...

ROGER Tan has come a long way since his small town boy days in Yong Peng, Johor. From living in poverty as a young lad to becoming a successful lawyer in Malaysia, it is not hard to see that Tan values hard work, discipline and determination. These values are what have made him the man he is today.

Despite having achieved a lot in his life so far, it is evident that Tan harbours a lot of pain and anguish. On May 23, 2000, his father, Tan Sue Yong, the person who inspired Tan to become the man he is today, went missing after a walk about in Yong Peng town. His anguish lingers as 11 years later, his father has still not been found.

Tan is emotional when speaking to StarBizWeek about his father. “11 years have passed. Actually I've done all I can but we still can't locate him. I've gone on national television and used the press in every form. This is one area I feel that I've failed him.” Tan's wish is to get closure on his father's disappearance. “Even if we can't find him alive, the least that we want is to find his body and give him a decent burial,” he said.

Personal mentor

It is obvious from the way that Tan speaks of his father, that he looks up to his father, just as every little boy does to his own dad: with a sense of admiration and awe. His father comes from the rich Zheng family in Fuzhou, China. Due to the onset of communism, Sue Yong and his wife Swee Mei left China and came to Malaysia.

Hope yet to improve English

Teacher Rose Anne Easaw

addressing the school assembly

of Sekolah Menegah

Inggeris/Kebangsaan,

Yong Peng in 1977. 

Standing behind her

is the writer.

The Star
by Roger Tan

It seems like a huge task to restore Malaysians' standard of English but it can be done if we put our hearts to it.

IN November 1996, a Saudi Arabian Airlines 747 jet collided with an Air Kazakhstan cargo plane near New Delhi, killing 349 crew and passengers.

Investigations later revealed that the accident was partly caused by the Kazakh pilots' insufficient fluency in English in understanding the instructions given by air traffic controllers.

Needless to say, this was only one of the several plane accidents which had been caused by the pilots’ poor command of English.

Today, the rules of the International Civil Aviation Organisation require all pilots to be fluent in English. So just imagine what will happen if our Malaysian air traffic controllers and pilots are not sufficiently proficient in English. This will no doubt bring dire consequences.

English is not just the lingua franca of civil aviation, but of the world. In this Internet age, it is also the lingua franca of the Web if we want to stay connected with the world, and avail ourselves to the colossal amounts of online information.

In the 1960s and 1970s, we Malaysians were credited for having a supreme command of the English language in the region.

Then, we had no lack of personalities like R. Ramani, a former Permanent Representative of Malaysia to the United Nations and president of the Malaysian Bar.

His impeccable command of English, both written and spoken, often impressed the world body and made our nation shine on the international stage.

Time to break the impasse

By not confronting racial and religious issues, civil court judges have abdicated their duty to uphold the people’s constitutional rights to equality and freedom of religion.

ON Nov 12, much to the dismay of many Malaysians, the Federal Court declined to answer five constitutional questions of public importance on unilateral conversion of children to Islam by one parent who has embraced Islam.

The case involved Shamala Sathiyaseelan, 38, and Dr Jeyaganesh Mogarajah, 42. The couple were married on Nov 5, 1998 according to Hindu rites in Alor Setar and the marriage was registered under the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act, 1976 (Act 164). Their sons, Saktiswaran and Theiviswaran – born in 1999 and 2001 – were Hindus at the time of their birth.

On Nov 19, 2002, Jeyaganesh converted to Islam. As a ‘saudara baru’ or muallaf, he is known as Muhammad Ridzwan bin Mogarajah. On Nov 25, 2002, Jeyaganesh converted the two minors to Islam without the knowledge or consent of Shamala. Saktiswaran’s Muslim name is Muhammad Firdaus Jeya while Theiviswaran is named Muhammad Asraf Jeya.

Shamala then went to the Kuala Lumpur High Court to challenge the conversions and seek custody of the minors. Justice Faiza Tamby Chik held on April 13, 2004 that since the two minors were now muallafs, Shamala should take them to Majlis Agama Islam Wilayah Persekutuan for help and advice to resolve the issue because under Article 121(1A) of the Federal Constitution, the civil court had no competency to determine the status of the minors’ conversion.

Meanwhile, Jeyaganesh had also obtained hadhanah (custody) of the two minors from the Mahkamah Tinggi Syariah Selangor on May 8, 2003. However, on July 20, 2004, in addition to an interim order made earlier in favour of Shamala on April 17, 2003, the High Court granted Shamala ‘actual custody’ or actual care and control, and the husband, ‘legal custody’ of the children.

Roger Tan:: Not a question of loyalty (Expanded Version)

Malaysians who live, work or study in Singapore should not be regarded as disloyal to their own country.

LIKE many Malaysians, I am naturally proud of ex-Muar High School boy Tan Zhongshan’s extraordinary academic feat (“Malaysian is top law student at Cambridge University”, The Star, Oct 19).

By chalking up the record as the overall best law student in the entire Cambridge University, his performance has probably even surpassed that of the university’s luminary alumni like Singapore’s Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew and his late wife.

Tan is but one of the thousands of young and bright Chinese Malaysians who have received scholarships from the Singapore government to study at different levels from secondary one to university in the city state.

It is no secret that Singapore officials would only recruit the “cream among the crop” for this purpose and those who excel will be sent to Oxbridge colleges and the Ivy League universities. Upon graduation, they would be bonded to work for a number of years in Singapore or elsewhere in Singapore-owned corporations. By then, most will not return to Malaysia.

Needless to say, many such children from poor families who were unable to get state aid in Malaysia have benefited immensely from this financial assistance. In return, they generally feel grateful to the Singapore government.

In Tan’s case, he said he would join the Singapore legal service. This is another achievement because only the very best of law graduates would be selected to join the Singapore judicial and legal services. It is also financially rewarding considering that a Singapore High Court judge is said to draw an annual salary inclusive of perks amounting to about S$1mil (RM2.4mil).

However, one has to take up Singapore citizenship if he aspires to become a judge or hold a senior position in their legal service.

This reminds me of my own experience. Unable to get financial aid from the state, my family had to privately finance my law studies in England. At that time, the then British government had begun imposing full-cost fees on foreign students as well as prohibiting them from seeking employment while studying there.

I wrote to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher telling her that the common wealth of the Commonwealth ought to be commonly shared! I did receive a reply from the British Department of Education and Science on her behalf justifying the new policy on the grounds of national interest.

Putik Lada: Importance of making a will

When a non-Muslim dies without making a will, his estate will be distributed according to the law, except in the case of insurance and EPF savings, where the nominees are the beneficiaries.

AS WE are all mortals, and death often comes like a thief in the night, we owe it to our loved ones to make a will during our lifetime. I would like to advise our readers on the importance of making a will, and the consequences of not making one.

By not making a will, you will not be able to distribute the assets according to your wishes after your death. Instead the state will define who will actually benefit from your death.

When a person dies without making a will, he is said to have died intestate. His property is called his “estate”, and his children, his “issue”.

Custom-made for happiness

TOMORROW, Chinese around the world, including Malaysian Chinese, will herald in the Year of the Ox.

Chinese New Year is the most important festival that the Chinese celebrate and it is steeped in tradition.

It is also called the Lunar New Year because the Chinese calendar is calculated according to the positions of the moon. A leap year occurs every three years with the addition of a 13th month. That is why it begins on a different day each year, but it is always on the first day of the first moon (month).

This festival is rich with legend and ritual. The Chinese New Year first came about when, once upon a time, there was this huge and hungry animal called Nian or "Year" in Chinese, which would prowl the villages of Shanghai on winter evenings in search of human prey.

Nobody knew how to escape from it. One day, by luck, someone hung a piece of red cloth on a tree. When Nian came and saw the red cloth, it was terrified and fled.

Another version is that the villagers painted the whole village red. When Nian came, firecrackers (at that time explosives were put into hollow bamboo) were exploded amid the beating of gongs. This explosive commotion finally scared Nian away and the villagers never saw Nian again.

That is why red is the most prominent colour during the New Year celebrations. It symbolises good luck and it wards off evil spirits like Nian.

In earlier years, firecrackers were let off throughout the celebration. The other reason being, that the more you spent on firecrackers, the more wealth you would accumulate for the new year. That probably explains why it is so difficult to enforce the ban on firecrackers in Chinese-populated areas in the country.

Next came the legend of Buddha and the 12 animals that bothered to answer his call to his deathbed. He rewarded them by naming a year after each of them, in order of their arrival -- the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog and lastly the pig.

Hence the Chinese are identified by these animal signs, and they believe the sign under which they were born influences their lives. So the saying, "you possess the characteristics of this animal that hides in your heart".

Preparations would always begin somewhere on the 20th day of the 12th moon (or the last month of the old year) when house cleaning begins and supplies made to last until the celebrations end on the 15th day of the first moon, also known as the "big year" (da nian) or Chap Goh Meh.

On the 23rd day of the 12th moon, the entire house must be cleaned and scrubbed until it is spick and span, especially the hearth because it is the seat of the Kitchen God -- Zao Jun.

I remember the annual house-cleaning was always full of fun for us when we were little because we got to play with water hoses and soap as we scrubbed the wooden walls of our old attap house in Yong Peng.

Like many other Chinese gods, Zao Jun was a human being who had been deified. It was said that when Zao Jun was a mortal, he had been a good and kind man. But he had to give his wife to someone else in marriage because he was too poor to keep her. One day, while out begging, he came to the house where the old wife lived. When he saw her, he was so ashamed that he ran to hide himself in the kitchen hearth and died in that fiery place. Then the Jade Emperor in Heaven made him the god of the kitchen because he was an honest and good man.

Every year on this day, this culinary god would return to the Imperial Palace in Heaven to report to the Jade Emperor on the year's events, especially the state of the family.

For this purpose, a special meal full of sweet things would be prepared for him before he made his heavenly journey so that his lips would be honeyed when he made the report.

And if he ate the sticky cake (nian gao) made of glutinous rice steamed in brown sugar, then his mouth would be stuck on it and his lips sealed so that he could only nod his head to show that the family had been good.

To speed up his celestial journey, firecrackers are set off that night. They are also exploded to scare away demons and spirits of the past year.

The 30th day of the 12th moon, and that is today, is the New Year's Eve. It is also the day the Kitchen God returns from heaven. A traditional reunion dinner, usually with no fewer than 10 courses, is a must for every family. It is always held at the home of the most senior male member of the family, and attended by all generations when young and old return from afar to be reunited around the dining table.

As for me, this day is of particular poignancy. For the last few years now, whenever I sit down for the reunion dinner, I cannot help but pine for my dear father's presence at the table, missing since May 2000. He was such a good cook, and was always the one to cook a sumptuous Foochow dinner for all of us. Celebrating this festival with him had always been a joy as well as an education because he would follow the traditions strictly.

Apart from nian gao, there are a few other food items which are most noticeable during this celebration and consumption of which will bring in wealth and good fortune. They are fish, mandarin oranges, groundnuts, melon seeds or guazi and Chinese vermicelli or mee suah.

Fish symbolises abundance as the Chinese phrase goes, nian nian you yu or "there will be fish or surpluses every year".

Here, I must specially thank my clients, the 8,000-member Fishermen's Association of Johor and its president, Mohamad Dolmat, who have been so thoughtful all these years in sending me boxes of very fresh fish representing their best catch of the day for my New Year's Eve reunion dinner.

Mandarin oranges are the most popular fruit for this celebration. Called kam in Cantonese, it also sounds like gold. Like groundnuts, they will bring a fortune of gold and prosperity if consumed.

Taking melon seeds will also make a married couple fruitful according to this Chinese saying, kai hua jie guo or "will bloom and become fruitful".

Uncut mee suah will, of course, bring longevity.

Before midnight, married persons will give each child an ang pow or lucky money in a red packet with golden lettering on it. It is believed that when one gives an ang pow, he is guaranteed another year of life.

Likewise, before midnight, all outstanding debts must be repaid and any quarrels with neighbours or friends must be settled; otherwise all the bad luck would be brought into the new year.

Some also believe that fingernails and toenails cut on this day of the year will get rid of all ailments.

Houses remain lighted until morning. Doors and windows are locked and sealed with red paper to prepare for the ceremony called "Opening the Gate of Fortune" (Kai Cai Men) on the morning of New Year's Day.

When cockerels crow, the master of the home would unlock the doors and remove the seals after uttering a few words of good omen for prosperity. Fragrant incense and joss sticks are burnt and the master takes three bows before the heavenly sky, and the Kitchen God who has returned overnight is also entitled to three such bows.

One tradition which my father left behind, and which we still follow, is to take this drink before breakfast on New Year's Day -- a drink mixed with groundnuts and rock sugar so that our lips will be sweetened and continue to have good manners throughout the new year.

The floor must not be swept on New Year's Day; otherwise all the good luck of the new year is swept away. Married daughters will only visit their parents on the second day. Dog-lovers will love this day as it is also a birthday for all dogs. It is not advisable to visit any relatives and friends on the third and fourth days lest their relationship be fraught with arguments later on.

The fifth day is also the birthday of the God of Prosperity or Cai Shen whose return to earth on this day will be welcomed with firecrackers.

For the Hokkiens, the ninth day is even more important than the first day, and they will pray to the Jade Emperor with offerings of sugar cane.

It was said that during the Ming Dynasty, the Hokkiens hid in sugar cane fields to escape from their enemies. When they emerged from the fields, it was also the ninth day of the new year and the only thing they could offer to the Jade Emperor in thanksgiving was sugar cane.

The celebrations continue until the 15th day of the first moon. The first full moon of the lunar new year appears on this day. Colourful lanterns are displayed, and the dragon and its guardians, the lions, dance to the tune of the gongs and cymbals.

It was said in ancient times that this was the only day the Jade Emperor would watch his earthly subjects from his heavenly throne. So, it was necessary for the lanterns to light up the happy faces of men, women and children as he watched with a contented smile on his face. Hence this day is sometimes known as the Lantern Festival.

It is also a night when damsels would throw oranges into a river from the top of a bridge in the hope that the God of Love would get each of them a good husband in the coming year.

Today, many of the mentioned customs, which are more associated with those who believe in Taoism, may no longer be in practice. But it is still one festival which is celebrated by all Chinese regardless of their educational background or religion.

As Malaysians, we have much to give thanks for because we can celebrate various festivals in peace and harmony. This is also an important occasion in which all other races will come together to celebrate with their Chinese friends in the true spirit of muhibbah.

This article was published in the New Sunday Times on 25 January 2009.

Why let a child suffer sins of adults?

"I didn't marry you because you were perfect.
I didn't even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that promise."
Thornton Niven Wilder (1897-1975)
American playwright and novelist

INDEED, the institution of marriage is the preservation and fulfilment of that promise. Sadly, once that promise is breached and the marriage is dissolved, more often than not, the children will become the pawns and casualties of the breakdown.

Therefore, every state will have laws to deal with marriage and divorce. Here, we have the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976, which is also numbered as Act 164 in our statute books ("the act"). To the superstitious Cantonese-speaking readers, it is hardly auspicious to number the act "164" as it means "to die all the way!"

The act applies to all non-Muslims in this country except any native of Sabah or Sarawak and aborigine of Peninsular Malaysia whose marriage and divorce is governed by native customary law or aboriginal custom unless he elects to marry under the act or he has contracted his marriage under the Christian Marriage Ordinance of Sabah or the Church and Civil Marriage Ordinance of Sarawak.

Currently, pursuant to Section 95 of the act, a non-Muslim parent's obligation to provide for a child financially expires when the child attains the age of 18, or where the child is under physical or mental disability, on the ceasing of such disability, whichever is the later.

In 2004, the Federal Court ruled in Karunairajah Rasiah v Punithambigai Poniah that the word "disability" in section 95 only covers "physical" and "mental" disability and does not cover financial dependence.

Federal Court judges Datuk (now Tun) Abdul Hamid Mohamad, Datuk Mohd Noor Ahmad and Datuk Pajan Singh Gill held that there was no legal basis to interpret the exceptions to Section 95 to include voluntary financial dependence for the purpose of pursuing tertiary and/or vocational education after the child had attained the age of 18.

The Federal Court, therefore, overruled the Court of Appeal which had attempted in that case, and in an earlier case of Ching Seng Woah v Lim Shook Lin 1997, to use creative interpretation to equate financial dependence to "disability".

In Ching Seng Woah, the Court of Appeal held that a child's inability to fend for himself on the job market without completing tertiary education amounted to involuntary financial dependence which could constitute "physical disability" under Section 95.

In Karunairajah Rasiah, Dr Punithambigai filed a divorce petition at the High Court against Dr Karunairajah in 1994. The latter was then ordered by the High Court to pay maintenance of RM4,200 a month to his three children who were all below 18 at that time.

In May 1998, Dr Karunairajah stopped paying maintenance when one of the children turned 18. This led the mother to file an application to the High Court asking that maintenance for all three children be continued until they completed their tertiary education.

The High Court allowed the application which was later upheld by the Court of Appeal. The Court of Appeal ruled that involuntary financial dependence was not only "physical disability" but it was also tantamount to "mental disability" under section 95.

Delivering the Court of Appeal judgment, justice Datuk Abdul Kadir Sulaiman said: "We may even go a step further in saying that this involuntary financial dependence can also be taken as a mental disability under the section for the purpose of the child of the marriage pursuing his tertiary education in order to be better equipped in his future working life. It needs able body and mind to undergo a tertiary education... The pertinent question to ask is, if their marriage had not gone to the rocks, would the appellant have left his children to wander in the streets to fend for themselves upon their attaining the age of 18 years?

"Surely not. No sensible parents would have done that to their children... The future of the children's well-being would be his paramount consideration. It is our view, therefore, that it could not have been the intention of the legislator in incorporating the provisions of Section 95 into the act to make the children worse off in the event of the break-up of the marriage of their parents compared with children living together with their parents under the same roof."

However, in delivering the decision of the Federal Court, Abdul Hamid said: "A case has to be decided according to the law as it stands, irrespective of a judge's personal view on it and moral obligations can never take precedence over the law. What the law should be is a matter for the legislature."

I am saddened by this, not so much over the decision, but rather with the inaction and tardiness on the part of the authorities in not taking steps to remedy the situation since the 2004 Federal Court decision. I have also spoken up regarding this matter on several occasions but there does not appear to be any sense of urgency on the part of our legislators to redress this injustice caused to many children caught in this predicament.

Our laws must be progressive and keep up with the times. In this case, tertiary education might not appear to be a necessity in the 1970s when the act was first enacted, but times have changed and a child will now find it difficult to make it in life without having any tertiary education.

It is, therefore, a parent's responsibility to educate his children beyond 18 notwithstanding the fact that the act has defined a "child of marriage" to be a child who is below 18.

In fact, the age limit of 18 is inconsistent with other legal provisions which regard more accurately in practice the age of 21 as the age a minor is capable of assuming an adult's responsibilities even though the Age of Majority Act 1971 determines the age of majority at 18.

For example, Article 119 of the Federal Constitution provides that only a person who has attained the age of 21 is entitled to vote in a general election. Also, Section 12 of the act requires a person below 21 to seek his/her father's consent if he/she wants to marry. This shows a child below 21 is still a dependent of his parents.

Similarly, under Section 3 of the Guardianship of Infants Act 1961, for example, the guardian is responsible for the support, health and education of the child until he/she reaches 21. In this respect, Section 95 unfairly discriminates against children of divorced parents.

Further, our income tax legislation allows a taxpayer to continue to claim relief for his child beyond 18 years of age who is pursuing tertiary education. This indirectly acknowledges a parent's responsibility to maintain his children beyond the age of 18.

Interestingly, the syariah law is more advanced than the civil law in this respect. Section 79 of the Islamic Family Law (Federal Territory) Act 1984 (which has been adopted for application in other states) specifically provides that the Syariah Court may, on application by the child or any other person, extend the order for maintenance "to cover such further period beyond the child's age of 18 years old as it thinks reasonable to enable the child to pursue further or higher education or training."

In Singapore, Section 69(5) of the Women's Charter, which was amended in 1997 reads as follows:

"The court shall not make an order under subsection (2) for the benefit of a child who has attained the age of 21 years or for a period that extends beyond the day on which the child will attain that age unless the court is satisfied that the provision of the maintenance is necessary because:

(a) of a mental or physical disability of the child;

(b) the child is or will be serving full-time national service;

(c) the child is or will be or (if an order were made under subsection (2)) would be receiving instruction at an educational establishment or undergoing training for a trade, profession or vocation, whether or not while in gainful employment; or

(d) special circumstances, other than those stated in paragraphs (a), (b) and (c), exist which justify the making of the order."

All said, it is hoped that our legislature will step in as soon as possible to amend this antiquated provision in Section 95 to compel the obligation to pay maintenance for children beyond 18 if they are receiving education or training.

This makes good sense not only on humanitarian grounds, but also because it is fair and consistent with other jurisdictions. Otherwise, irresponsible parents can refuse to do so by seeking refuge behind the Federal Court's decision of Karunairajah.

It is indeed a sad thing that these children who are at the threshold of their education are denied a chance to realise their true talent and potential. This will not only cause them to sacrifice their future, but ultimately also a loss to us as a nation.

On this Fathers Day, I sincerely hope that parents of such children will reflect upon this and spare a thought for their children because children are never to be blamed when a marriage breaks down.

The children's interest must always be of paramount consideration, and it is inhuman to punish and dump them when they reach 18 all because the marriage between the adults fails to work out.

Having brought them to this world, we as parents do not only owe it to ourselves and our children but also to the creator in fulfilling our parental duties on this earth.

Instil filial piety in young ones

New Sunday Times

by Roger Tan

IT is indeed a blessing that I was able to celebrate Mothers Day with my 83-year-old mother and 89-year-old mother-in-law last Sunday.

The picture shows both the octogenarians beaming with joy as their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren went home to Yong Peng to celebrate the occasion with them.

For my mum, life was especially hard when she first came over with dad to Malaya in March 1947. Living in extreme poverty then, her pregnancies were often fraught with problems.

She suffered three miscarriages, and two boys died one week after their births. Another girl had to be given up for adoption by the Christian missionaries at the Seremban Convent High School in 1957, whose records showed had died of pneumonia three months later.

In China in 1943, her first child, a girl, was born when mum was a weak and frail 19-year-old herself. It was also in that year that our paternal grandmother died in her 40s.

Believing that the newly born girl had brought bad luck to the family, our superstitious maternal grandmother decided to let her die in the cold outside.

Despite all these tragedies, mum is no doubt a woman of great fortitude. While dad toiled as a farmer and labourer and was often away from home, my mum performed her duties as a mother looking after us at home.

My mother-in-law is also very much an indomitable character in her own right. Hailing from China in 1932, she did not stop tapping rubber trees to support the family until she was 65.

As my father-in-law (who passed away in 1980) had asthma and was unable to work, one cannot imagine how she could have brought up a family of nine girls and three boys, including a fine daughter for me to marry.

Today, she has 37 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren. She would often testify that she derives her strength from her strong faith in God, which she no doubt does as she still reads the Bible every day.

I am sure many others have similar if not more powerful stories to tell about their mothers. Likewise, there are many mothers out there whose children were not able to celebrate the occasion with them as depicted by the powerful Chinese New Year advertisement of Petronas in February this year.

Indeed, how we treat our parents will indirectly teach our children how they treat us later. It is often said that filial piety is becoming a thing of the past.

Surely, if our children are taught the importance of filial piety when they are young, then their children will also love them in return when they grow old.

To the Chinese community, filial piety or xiao means complete obedience to one’s parents or parents-in-law, and nothing can be more important than looking after your own parents when they are old.

So, a tale is often told that once upon a time in China, there lived a very poor family. They had a young son but the man’s mother would always give a part of her share to her grandson so that the young boy would not starve. Fearing that his mother would starve instead, the man decided to bury his son alive. But when he dug a hole, lo and behold, he discovered a pot filled with gold.

Filial piety is a universal value fundamental to the family institution.

For example, my Muslim friends are often reminded of Surah Luqman (31) verse 14 in the Quran: "And We have enjoined on man to be good to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, And in years twain was his weaning: (Hear The Command), Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; To Me is thy final Goal."

Our Christian friends, on the other hand, are often told that it is one of the Ten Commandments to honour our father and mother so that we may live long.

Our parents cannot just wither away in loneliness or be treated like "excess baggage" when they grow old.

It follows that our young ones should be taught, trained and imbued with filial piety as early as possible. Our primary school education system must prioritise this.

In fact, the New Sunday Times reported on April 22 that Jerai Member of Parliament Datuk Paduka Badruddin Amiruldin had urged parliament to enact a law to punish errant children who abandoned their parents.

The report also quoted the president of the National Council of Senior Citizens’ Organisations Malaysia, Lum Kin Tuck, responding that the proposed law was unnecessary and, if introduced, "can be a disgrace to us".

Of course, it was not too nice either to read the New Straits Times on March 12 that one requires between RM1.4 million and RM2.8 million in order to retire comfortably.

In Singapore, the Maintenance of Parents Act 1995 allows any person who is 60 years old or above and who is unable to maintain himself to apply to the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents for an order that one or more of his children pay him a monthly allowance or any other periodical payment or a lump sum for his maintenance.

In India, the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Bill 2006 was tabled to ensure that if a person responsible for the upkeep of his parents failed to take care of them, he can face up to three months’ imprisonment and a fine in addition to being disinherited from the parent’s will.

To my mind, maintaining our parents is a family responsibility and not the state’s. If the state has to come in to compel our children to maintain us like what is being done in Singapore or India, then something is very wrong with our society.

As a parent, to know that my children are maintaining me because of a court order only grieves me further to realise that this is retribution for I have failed as a parent all these years.

It is also a damning indictment of poor parenting on our part which we, as parents, must assume full responsibility.

In conclusion, let me share with you this oft-quoted inspirational lesson written by an unknown author: A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law and four-year-old grandson.

The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.

But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.

"We must do something about grandfather," said the son. "I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up."

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening, the husband took grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family.

And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled or the tablecloth soiled. Children are remarkably perceptive.

*The writer still grieves for his missing father: www.missingourdad.com

Love is all around for matriarch

The Sunday Star

By Meera Vijayan

Joyous reunion: Teo surrounded by her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren at her Yong Peng house.

YONG PENG: Matriarch Teo Guat Kwee has reason to be smiling this Mother’s Day as she finds herself surrounded by many of her loving children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

The celebration is extra special because a wedding reception in the family last night allowed 89-year-old Teo’s family to turn the weekend into a joyous reunion.

Clutching a bouquet from her children, Teo was a picture of happiness at her home in Yong Peng. 

One of Teo’s daughters, Wong Ee Teng, 46, said the family celebrated Mother’s Day annually but decided to make this a grander affair as many of her relatives were around. 

Ee Teng said that her mother, although not a strict disciplinarian, taught her family the value of determination, education and thrift. 

Reminiscing with laughter, Ee Teng said that when she and her siblings were growing up, they would often show Teo their latest purchases of clothes and shoes. 

Teo would gently admonish them saying, ‘Money won’t bite you, you can save some of it’, shared Ee Teng, with a chuckle as her sisters nodded with amusement. 

Ee Teng said before her mother became wheelchair-bound a couple of years ago, Teo was fastidious about keeping herself fit for as long as she could. 

Another daughter, Ai Ngee said that her mother continued to tap rubber trees in their plantation until the age of 65, as she preferred to keep the work within the family.

Tell your dad 'I love you' now before it's too late for that

Tan Sue Yong (missing since 23 May 2000)

TODAY is Father’s Day. May I wish all fathers a Happy Father’s Day.

Let me tell you a story about a great dad. Applying our societal standards, he was a nobody. He possessed neither wealth nor fame. But to his children, he was the greatest gift from God.

Sue Yong was born on Sept 24, 1917 to a huge and wealthy Zheng family in the province of Fuzhou, China. Sue Yong’s grandfather, Zheng Peng Hui was a renowned and wealthy physician sharing the lineage of the famous Chinese poet in the Qing Dynasty, Zheng Ban Qiao.

They lived in a huge mansion and were served by many servants. He was the 19th generation of the Zheng family.

In 1947, with the prospect of the communists taking control of China, Sue Yong and his young wife Swee Mei decided to leave China. The Zheng’s family assets were later sequestrated by the communists when they came to power on Oct 1, 1949.

Upon arrival, the young childless couple decided to settle down in Sepang, Selangor. There, they laboured as pig-farmers.

Living under poor and malnourished circumstances, Swee Mei’s pregnancies were often fraught with problems. She suffered several miscarriages and three sons died a few days after their births.

For Sue Yong, the life of luxury of his China days had also come to an end. There was no way he would return to China. Malaya was his new home.

In Sepang, they lived in poverty and under constant fear of the communist insurgents Malaya was fighting at that time. As the pig farm was located far away from home, their livelihood was severely affected by the many curfews imposed by the security forces.

In 1958, they decided to move down to Yong Peng. By this time, he had to work even harder to feed his five young children. Lunch and dinner were often porridge with soya sauce or a few slices of preserved bean curds.

In Yong Peng, Sue Yong toiled as a labourer for landowners who required him to clear their smallholdings of weeds and lallang or make drains along the perimeter of the land. He did all these by using his cangkul, and for a meagre wage of six ringgit a day.

Apart from having to work under the hot sun with his bare hands, such job offers were not regular. So, the household income was partly supplemented by his two elder daughters who gave up school to work as rubber tappers at the tender age of 10, each earning about two ringgit a day.

Their quality of life only started to improve from the mid-1970s when Sue Yong started to get tree-felling contracts. But this job required him to live in jungles for one or two months, felling trees and clearing secondary jungle with his chain saw.

Beloved Dad and Mum

It was an extremely dangerous job. So, whenever the taxi pulled up in front of the house with his tools, it meant Sue Yong had come home safely.

But when he had to leave again for new assignments, his family would worry for his safety again.

Often, Sue Yong had to dye his grey hair whenever he went around trying to secure contracts, fearing that prospective employers would find him too old to take up the job. He did not retire until he was 71, and that was also upon his children’s insistence.

For him, education for his children was the best investment. Despite advice from relatives that he should get his children to stop studying and start tapping rubber or helping him out with his contract work, Sue Yong was adamant that he would do everything for his children so that they would not be deprived of education and end up to be like him.

This is one fine example of what Ruth E. Renkel said: "Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance."

He was also a loyal Malaysian as he would often say Malaysia was his home and would be his final resting place.

Since he came over here in 1947, he only went back to China once in 1983. That trip meant a lot to him because he had always wanted to make this "pilgrimage" to fulfil his wish and duty of paying his belated respects to his departed parents.

A duty no doubt he fulfilled with admiration by collecting the relics of his late parents and having them buried with a beautiful tomb erected in their memory.

But alas, just as he was able to enjoy the fruits of his labour in his twilight years, Sue Yong went missing on May 23, 2000 after taking an evening walk. He was 83. It was devastating for me. Tan Sue Yong is my father.

When I received a call from my mother on that fateful evening, I immediately rushed back. With the help of local Rela members, we mounted a search around Yong Peng town but could not find him.

For the next few days, the police field force and dog units joined the search. After one whole week of looking out for him in Yong Peng without any success, the reality of never seeing my dad again began to sink in.

I remember hugging my wife and crying together as we agonised over our missing dad. We could not understand why someone who had given so much to us, would have his life end in this manner.

When news came that dad was spotted taking a bus in Air Hitam, Johor, I knew he was now on the move, and no longer in Yong Peng. So, I had to abandon the search in Yong Peng and return to work.

That evening, when driving my family home, tears just flowed down as I felt so helpless at that time. I felt as if I had failed him for not being able to find him. I felt as if I had not done enough despite all the time, money, resources spent and help from so many kind people.

So, on Father’s Day 2000, which also fell on June 18, I took out advertisements in national newspapers seeking help in locating him, but to no avail.

Six years have passed. By the seventh year, the law will presume he is dead if he is still missing. But hope is what I will not give up and will continue to pray that God will help us find him — whether dead or alive.

Until then, it is difficult to have any closure on our part. The tomb that he himself designed and which was built some 20 years ago is still empty.

Our tears still flow whenever we look at his photo or dream of him. We have dreamt of him many times hoping that he would reveal to us his whereabouts, but we would wake up each time just as he was about to tell us where he was.

Dear Malaysians, though we are not rich, our lives have been enriched by him. Our dad taught us honesty, hard work and filial piety.

Always more concerned about providing for his family, he did not drink, smoke or gamble, let alone indulge in unfruitful activities. He even helped around with household chores.

Many a time, the mere thought of what our dad went through to bring us up would always provide us the much-needed jolt to remind us how blessed we are because of him.

On this special day, I pay tribute to this great man in my life. We are not who we are today if not for our beloved dad. The toil and sweat he had put in would not be in vain.

Because of him, all his grandchildren are now able to receive tertiary education. We are a family brought up by a man deprived of everything but who gave his all to us. He will remain in our hearts forever.

So Malaysians, I have no doubt this evening many of you will take your dad out for dinner. But except for this special day, when was the last time we took our dad out for a meal or sat down to have a good chat with him?

And when was the last time we gave him a pat or a hug or said, "I love you"?

In fact, just a week ago, our Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, when launching the Royal Malaysia Police Family Day, advised us to value our family members while they are still alive and shower them with love so that there will be no sense of guilt later.

I could not agree more with our Prime Minister, and I leave you to read Robert Paul Moreno’s The Time is Now:

If you are ever going to love me
Love me now while I can know
All the sweet and tender feelings
From which the true affection flows

Love me now while I am living
Do not wait until I am gone
And then have it chiselled in marble
Sweet words on ice-cold stone

If you have tender thoughts of me
Why not whisper them to me?
Don’t you know it would make me happy?
And as glad as can be

If you wait until I’m sleeping
Never to waken here again
There will be walls of earth between us
And I won’t hear you then

I won’t need your kind words
When the grass grows over my face
I won’t crave your love and kisses
In my last low resting place

So if you love me, even a little bit
Let me know while I’m living
So that I can treasure it

The writer is a lawyer. Please visit www.missingourdad.com for more information about his missing father.